Friday, December 14, 2007

Geographic Displacement

Finals are a major cause of fear.

People all over the campus have minor phobias of them. Frankly, after having taken a few, I'm not quite sure what all the fervor and fear is about. Don't get me wrong -- I get caught up in the frenzy myself. I cram and fret and consume massive amounts of caffiene just like everyone else. I have one final left and it's causing me great amounts of stress. But the ones I've taken so far? They're not terrible. They weren't the demonic bastions from hades I thought they would be. Frankly, they're not much harder than high school tests.

So why the fear? It's not really the test itself. It's the percentage. It's all a mind game, you see. A crazy, crazy mind game. The professors let you know that the tests are going to be 40% or 50% of your final grade. This means that all those tedious essays you worked on so assiduously, all those quizzes you studied so diligently for, and all those discussions you purposefully participated in were for nothing. They were simple exercises meant to stretch your brain. The real thing is this one test based on one day -- a day that's tainted by lack of sleep and the sloth that precedes vacation. No wonder people are nervous! Something that simple and that short can make or break you.

That's a major cause of stress. But you see, they can't just leave it at that. They have to add even more stress and confusion. So they schedule your final to take place at an unfamiliar time in an unfamiliar room. And then forget to tell you about it.

This is what happened to me today. Now, I certainly won't rule out the possibility that they announced the room the final would be in and I just didn't hear it because I was busy thinking about how much I didn't want to be in class at that time. That could have happened! However, I'm always more willing to believe that there was a conspiracy.

I knew that the final was at 12:30. I assumed that it would be held in the room where we normally have lecture. That's where we had the midterm, after all. Why wouldn't we do the same thing for the final? You know -- a nice fond farewell to the room that's seen us through the semester. But no. I get to the lecture hall and there are other people there. People from another class. I have no idea who they are and they have no idea who I am. I see one who's collecting papers -- a GSI by the looks of her -- and I ask her if there's another class moving in to take a final in about five minutes (it was about 12:25 at the time). She gives me The Look and I know -- I just know! -- what she's going to say. So by the time she says it, I'm outta there, running off to the near-ish geography building.

Yes. I was literally running. I know this is against my code -- never run unless something is chasing you -- but I did it anyway, trying to play it off cool like I wasn't panicing. The test might be in the Geography building, right? That would make sense since it's my geography final. And if it's not, then I can at least go to the department office and ask where it's at. Someone in there should know!

The elevator ride up to the fifth floor where the geography department is was an eternity and guess what? The main office wasn't even open. It was closed. There was no one there. I was alone in a strange place with enough knowledge to know that I wasn't in the right place but not enough to know where I had to be. I was just about to give up hope when I saw a posting of all the locations of the finals -- my shining, saving light!

It was in Dwinelle. Why would it be there? But either way, it was. So I ran. Again. It was just far enough away to make me panic even more. But I made it there only ten minutes late. That wasn't as bad as it could have been. Not nearly. Then I get the test and that wasn't even that bad -- not that I'm counting chickens or anything. It just felt pretty good. They had a three hour time slot for us to finish and it took me only about ninety minutes. So that wasn't terrible.

So finals are phobias. Irrational fears created by evil professors and perpetuated by the college mileau. It's a fear that strikes everyone at one point or another. I can certianly see why. But I only have one more left and then vacation. One more that I'm still rather nervous for. But after that, no more worries! No more studying! No more tests!

And hopefully no more running.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Academic Epidemic

I must admit, finals are getting to me.

Not just me, either. Everyone. It's like an epidemic -- an Academic Epidemic. The symptoms are clear. Victims generally have wide, red eyes and coffee-scented breath. This is, of course, caused by the coffeeius starbucksus virus that invades immune systems weakened by all-nighters. Then there's the semi-comatose state victims of the Academic Epidemic adopt when they're seated in front of a book. This symptom stems from exposure to study guides and direct contact with professors. Also, sufferers tend to be pale and emaciated; this is caused by hallucinations induced by the overloading of information, causing the victim to totally lose track of time and forget when to eat or go outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Clearly, you can see that this is a terirble disease that must be stopped. Surely there is a better way to test our knowledge. The university needs to be made aware that by introducing finals into the scholarly system, they are putting their students seriously at risk. Before anyone realizes, the student population will be composed of mindless, latte-drinking, neurotic zombies.

Of course, there are ways to minimize the effects of the Academic Epidemic. The most effective cure is said to be apathy. This greatly reduces the symptoms. However, the fervor of finals season is rather catching, meaning that even the most indifferent, laid-back student can come down with a serious case of this disease.

So just to repeat myself, yes. Yes. The finals are getting to me. My eyes are looking glazed, my hair is falling out (or maybe I'm just pulling it out), and my caffiene intake has experienced a noted increase. And you know the sad thing? I don't even think I'm stressing half as much as the majority of people. I'm a little nervous, yes. But no matter how nervous I get, I don't know that I can really bring myself to freak out. Freaking out would be nice, of course, but I haven't yet gotten to that point.

And if you hadn't guessed, this is one of my study breaks right now. I've been reading over outlines for peace and conflict studies on and off for five or six hours now. I think I deserve a little light-hearted break. But the key word there is little. So now I should get back to studying. Seriously.

Bleh...

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Deck the Shrub

It's finally raining. You don't know how happy that makes me. For the longest time, it's just been sunny blueskies and weather that doesn't require a jacket. That is not the type of thing I need to put me in the Christmas spirit. But the weather is finally shaping up! I can really get my Christmas on now.

Yes. It's time for the Christmas spirit to start possessing me, taking over every aspect of my life. When I sleep -- sugarplums. When I walk -- through a winter wonderland. When I speak -- words of good cheer. When I shop -- presents. This is it, babe! It's time to bust out the stockings and deck the halls with holly. Who doesn't love that? I do admit, any sort of representation of Santa Claus displayed on a house or inside of one creeps me out slightly (why would you celebrate breaking and entering?) but other than that, the decor is one of the season's highlights.

I even have my dorm room decorated. Sort of. Kind of. Ish.

I have a tree. Well, you can't even really say that. I have a potted shrub. Okay, maybe that's an overstatment too. I have a small evergreen shrub in a festive durable cardboard container -- but it's an awesome small evergreen shrub in a festive durable cardboard container! I would make any college student envious. It's lovingly nestled next to my coffee maker and sweet yellow duck. Really, it spices up the whole area.

Of course, it did look a little plain when I first got it. Even with the festive durable cardboard, it needed some decoration. At first I thought I would buy some mini ornaments at the Walgreens. But then Walgreens refused to sell me medicine when I was feeling really nasty-sick. Therefore, I felt it was my duty to exercise my consumer power and run a one-woman boycott of the place. So no mini ornaments from the drug store. Then I thought maybe I would just decorate it with random stuff from the dorm. But the only random stuff I could find was paper clips, tape, and old gum wrappers. I wanted a Christmas tree, not a trash tree, so that idea went out the window as well.

So what could I do? There didn't seem to be many other options left. But then inspiration struck in the form of my Mythic West class -- the sheriff's badge I had won in the costume contest. It made the perfect star for the top of the tree. And then there was a pinecone my mom gave me before I left home to face the finals. So that's where the tree (shrub) stands now. We'll see if that expands, but it certainly works.

So there's me getting my Christmas on. I'll study finals while worrying about the criminal St. Nick. I'll write papers while singing carols. Hey -- at least it's raining.