Academic Epidemic

I must admit, finals are getting to me.

Not just me, either. Everyone. It's like an epidemic -- an Academic Epidemic. The symptoms are clear. Victims generally have wide, red eyes and coffee-scented breath. This is, of course, caused by the coffeeius starbucksus virus that invades immune systems weakened by all-nighters. Then there's the semi-comatose state victims of the Academic Epidemic adopt when they're seated in front of a book. This symptom stems from exposure to study guides and direct contact with professors. Also, sufferers tend to be pale and emaciated; this is caused by hallucinations induced by the overloading of information, causing the victim to totally lose track of time and forget when to eat or go outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Clearly, you can see that this is a terirble disease that must be stopped. Surely there is a better way to test our knowledge. The university needs to be made aware that by introducing finals into the scholarly system, they are putting their students seriously at risk. Before anyone realizes, the student population will be composed of mindless, latte-drinking, neurotic zombies.

Of course, there are ways to minimize the effects of the Academic Epidemic. The most effective cure is said to be apathy. This greatly reduces the symptoms. However, the fervor of finals season is rather catching, meaning that even the most indifferent, laid-back student can come down with a serious case of this disease.

So just to repeat myself, yes. Yes. The finals are getting to me. My eyes are looking glazed, my hair is falling out (or maybe I'm just pulling it out), and my caffiene intake has experienced a noted increase. And you know the sad thing? I don't even think I'm stressing half as much as the majority of people. I'm a little nervous, yes. But no matter how nervous I get, I don't know that I can really bring myself to freak out. Freaking out would be nice, of course, but I haven't yet gotten to that point.

And if you hadn't guessed, this is one of my study breaks right now. I've been reading over outlines for peace and conflict studies on and off for five or six hours now. I think I deserve a little light-hearted break. But the key word there is little. So now I should get back to studying. Seriously.

Bleh...